What is it like to be the parent of a gifted child? featuring Candy McCray

Welcome to Vanguard Gifted Academy’s education channel and the fourth episode of our new exploration series, What It's Like to Be the Parent of a Gifted Child. My name is Candy McCray, and I am the parent of a gifted child. I'm looking forward to sharing my experience with you.

Today I'm going to talk to you about the importance of fostering friendships with gifted children. My son is nine, and social interactions don't always come easily to him. My son has asynchronous development, like gifted children often do, so his social-emotional skills have not developed at the same rate that his academic skills have, and that has made developing friendships more challenging for him. 

One of the reasons we joined Cub Scouts was because we thought it would be a great way for him to meet some new folks that were close to home and develop some friendships there.  He has made some acquaintances and there are some other boys in Scouts that he enjoys hanging out with, but they're not the friends that he wants to have over for a playdate or that he wants to go to special activities with. That's where he falls back to his main tribe, the kids that he really connects with, which are other gifted kids. 

I think it's important for parents to realize that your kids aren't always going to be friends with kids that are the same age. You really have to let them find the friendships that have meaning to them. 

I think often gifted children really feel deeply about whatever it is that interests them, and they have these deeper connections that we adults don't necessarily understand. I think friendships play a similar role for gifted children.

Vivian is a friend of Myles from pre-K. They're in fourth grade now. They went to pre-K, kindergarten, and first grade at the same school and then ended up going to different schools. But they've really had a special connection since they met.  In the younger years, it was much more of a love/hate relationship. The teachers really had to keep them separated some days because they couldn't necessarily manage their emotions when they were together. 

But as they've matured, just as their social-emotional developmental skills have improved, they've really learned what it takes to be a good friend to each other, and they've really maintained this relationship over the years. 

At Christmas this last year, Myles was working on his Christmas list of what he wanted, and he selected something that surprised me because it didn't immediately stand out to me as something that would be of strong interest to him. When I asked him, “Are you sure that's something you want to put on your list?” and he replied yes, I told him I was surprised. I said, “Why is that something you want to put on your list?” and he said, “Because I think Vivian would love it, and the next time she comes over, I want her to be able to play with something at our house.” 

That was an example to me of how deeply he cares about this relationship. He really stepped outside of himself, which oftentimes he doesn't do. But in this circumstance he did, and he took the emotions or the thoughts of how his friend was going to feel about something into consideration when making his choice.  It takes a lot of effort to get these two kids together, but it's well worth the effort.

One of the other things I think is really important for parents is to not only help your child develop friendships but also establish relationships with other parents of gifted children. Parenting a gifted child is not an easy thing to do, and we often need the support of others that are having similar experiences. So, I think what I have found is through the friendships that my son has made, I have actually developed some wonderful friendships with the mothers of those children, as well. And now, not only does my child have playdates with his friends, but I have playdates with the moms where we get together and talk about some of the challenges and some of the positive things that are happening with our children, as well. 

If you're interested in an additional resource, Debbie Reber is the author of a book called Differently Wired, and she also hosts a website called Tilt Parenting. It has a lot of great resources on it with podcasts and references to other professionals that can provide more information. 

This is your journey, but we want to be a resource for you. Follow us at Vanguard Gifted Academy so you never miss a video. Thanks for listening; we appreciate it!