Social-Emotional Learning & Development: Teaching Your Child To Be An Independent Problem-Solver
Welcome to Vanguard Gifted Academy’s educational blog. This is the third blog in our series Social-Emotional Learning & Development: Why it is Essential Education Today. I’m Carolyn Werneke, a clinical psychologist in St. Charles and Geneva, IL. Today we’ll be sharing about how to teach your child to be an independent problem-solver.
My work as a child psychologist has given me insight into the lives of many children during the past 35 years. For the past few years, my job has been completing psychological evaluations. One of the traits I’m looking for is problem-solving skills. When children are requested to give logical outcomes to a social or family situation, they sometimes give responses suggesting escape, ignoring and avoidance. When evaluating children, I use picture cards showing people in different situations, and I ask the child to create a story about the picture. As they are telling me the story, I asked questions such as “What will they do next?” and “What next?” In the end, I ask what the child in the story is thinking and how the child in the story is feeling.
When I have a collection of stories, I look for themes and incidents, where the child is describing a problem-solving situation. I determine what strategies they are using or not using. I find that children with anger management difficulties, and those who are exhibiting inappropriate behaviors, are often not good problem-solvers. They depend on outside assistance to become soothed or to become calm.
Setting the Stage for Problem-Solving with Children
I found a quote in the new Louise Penny book, The Madness of Crowds. She said the trick wasn’t to have less fear, it was finding more courage. When I read this, I thought of children I had seen. Problem-solving takes courage. Children are often fearful of being wrong or making a mistake. Sometimes this fearfulness causes them to shy away from problem-solving activities. When a child faces a problem or is feeling anxious, it’s good to ask them questions. Maybe the actual problem became lost and has been replaced by fear. For children to become good problem-solvers, they need to have practice and understand how their brain actually works. Problem-solving has to be moved to the front of the brain where logic is located. If a child is worried or fearful of mistakes, and many of them are, their thoughts are not in front of the brain where they need to be. Worry circulates in the center of the brain, and the thoughts in this area will not lead to good solutions for problems that any child is facing.
When I’m going through this process with a child, I teach them what is happening in their brain. I actually draw a brain on a piece of paper, and then I draw the center where the problems of worries go in circles; they really don’t get resolved. I explain that sometimes these problems cause anger or frustration, but the problem is still not solved. The problem gets solved in the front part of the brain. Until they can get these problems there, they won’t go away.
Key Questions to Help Build Problem-Solving Skills
I ask children questions to get them to begin thinking of ways to solve problems. I ask for examples of when they have felt stuck on a problem and about how they might make things better. In this instance, the child may not be using words to express their feelings. I ask the child to process other ways of expressing anger or frustration besides acting out. To help children get their thoughts into the right part of the brain, it’s helpful to use questions that will lead them to identify the actual problems. Once the child has identified the problem, ask them what solutions have they thought about? What options do they have? This could take the form of writing down and evaluating solutions. How will each of these solutions be helpful or not helpful? Finding and evaluating solutions may take a considerable amount of time as the child reflects on their past experience and past knowledge.
It is best, as parents, to avoid offering solutions. Instead, use this opportunity as a teaching moment. The above questions only work when the child is in a state of being ready to think logically about these things. Make sure the child is calm, ready to have the courage to try out solutions they have decided. When a solution doesn’t work, it’s a great time to share mistakes you have made recently or in the past and how you were able to work through them. Explain that no one likes to make mistakes, but we all do. Parents are sometimes in the position of wanting to create an easy fix for their children, and they may often feel it is their job to make sure the child does not have problems or concerns. However, this practice of fixing does not give your child a chance to become a good problem-solver. It will delay the learning process.
When children do not learn to problem-solve, they tend to avoid challenges by choosing activities and learning processes that are too easy for their cognitive abilities. This lack of self confidence will lead to behavior difficulties. When children practice problem-solving, it creates self confidence. It causes them to be open to challenges because they realize the personal satisfaction of finding solutions.
Thank you for reading our latest article on social-emotional learning. We hope that Vanguard Gifted Academy’s educational blog will continue to be a resource for you. If you have any comments or questions about what we shared here, please visit Vanguard’s website or call Vanguard at (224) 213-0087.